discovery · Uncategorized

Wishful Thinking

I don’t mind the occasional setback, but when Murphy’s Law kicks into overdrive, I suffer in deflation. Even those closest to me wouldn’t know this, because I pride myself on being the strong one, the optimist, ever hopeful, the first to offer the advice not to “make mountains out of molehills”.

Little do they know that I often experience what I refer to as a “series of unfortunate events”, and (yes, just as while reading the books) wonder “What is it all for? Why do I bother?” Through each moment of these “events” my optimism is whittled away to reveal the very jaded soul that I strive to heal.

As the air slowly seeps out of my happiness balloon, I notice every flaw of life and human nature and I struggle to reason with my disappointments and resentment. Old wounds become inflamed…scars begin to ache…and then…

THE FALL…

…into the abyss

…into the darkness of obligation to anger and bitterness.

Am I Overreacting?

With every drop into the descent I ask myself this. Are my expectations too high? Are my standards unreasonable? And so the battle begins…Angels beg me to stay cool…Demons demand I take a stand!

Then someone decides the answer for me…they say,

“YOU ARE OVERREACTING!”

Now…add a little alcohol (or a lot…I keep forgetting the difference) and with those three words, the bomb explodes.

This someone does not know of the full “series” of events, just the current happening. They have no idea where the score lies between my Angels and Demons, but there it is…they’ve just tipped the game.

Suddenly there is a raging wall of fire around me…and now…

I am alone.

No one knows that what I heard was “Your feelings don’t matter because no one else feels that way. Sit down and shut up!”

No one knows that what I heard was “It doesn’t matter what you would like, this is what we want, DEAL with it!”

No one knows that what I heard was “You have nothing to be upset about because everyone else is happy.”

I know; poor me. But, to be clear, this usually always happens around the people I call family.

I go to work and experience respect, my coworkers appreciate and value my opinion…they don’t roll their eyes or belittle my thoughts. HMMM?

It’s something I’m ready to ponder now after all these years.

Can it really be Just Me?

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